Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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