But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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