I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
