If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He kissed a someone with a penis
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
