okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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