Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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