God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
