brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
