Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Do vagina's smell?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
