Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well I just put wine in my tea
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
