she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
