i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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