Umm I'm too high to move.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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