Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My penis needs a shock collar
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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