Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The uberlube is also flammable
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
