That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
