How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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