I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
