dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
