just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
