Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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