I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
