I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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