He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
