I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize