you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
