i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
