Your mouth is God's brothel.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
