remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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