DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
