I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
