I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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