I can tuck mytits in my pants
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
