im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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