your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize