I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
