he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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