Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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