It's like God shit irony all over that family
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
