What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
