distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
