I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
