my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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