I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize