Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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