Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
