naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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