If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Randomize
