I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
