I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
