Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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