Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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