that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
