Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I looked at my own cervix.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
