i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize