Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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