The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
