New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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