The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
