we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
