...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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