why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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