My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
