Me. At least after what I've been through.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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