there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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