yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
