His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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