Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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