my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
