i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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