Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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