Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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