I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
