Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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