So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
