my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
