R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
