Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
