I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
