If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize