She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
