Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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