is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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