Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
