babies were throwing up all over the place
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
