sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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