I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We talked him into tasing himself.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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