This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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