Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
