apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
