Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
