Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
