either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
