so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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