youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i drank out of a bidet.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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