I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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