rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You dont lie about slip and slides
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize