Who wears a wallet chain?!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
