i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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