So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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