TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
